When Healing Is Not a Performance

Holding space for others starts with knowing how to hold space for myself. One of the ways I support my own nervous system is through my weekly drumming circle.

Writing this blog got me thinking about what it is about drumming that allows me to connect deeply within myself while also expressing a sense of creativity and joy outwards. I think it has something to do with the fact that in a drumming circle there is no audience. There is no applause. Just a group of people coming together, playing their drum, each with a very different story and a different rhythm, moving through whatever version of themselves has turned up that day.

Some people walk in buzzing and enthusiastic.

Others arrive tired or overwhelmed.

Some sit quietly on the edge trying to work out if they are going to remember the rhythm and keep up.

And none of that is a problem. The drum does not ask for confidence or performance. It just asks you to arrive and connect with it.

It has no attachment to your past, your age, the colour of your skin, who you love, or the struggles shaping you. It just asks you to sit with it and find a sound that makes it speak.

Some days my timing is clean.

Some days I lose the rhythm.

Other days I have the rhythm but my timing slips.

That is drumming.

That is being human.

You are not being assessed.

You do not need to impress anyone.

You belong simply because you are there, and I can be present in whatever state I am in, and that is enough.

Counselling has a similar feel.

People walk in unsure how their story will land. Worried their feelings are too much or their life is too complex or too heavy. Trying not to cry. Trying not to break. Trying to make sense of something that does not make sense yet.

Some clients apologise before they speak, as if the room needs a warning label before their truth arrives.

But you do not need the right words.

You do not need to be calm or clear.

You can come in numb or shaking or exhausted.

Your system can be in whatever state it is in.

You will not be judged for it.

You do not need to edit your story down to something smaller or easier.

Healing is not a performance.

It is participation.

It is the courage to sit down and let something unfold at its own pace. Even if all you can offer that day is your presence. Even if you are not sure what to say. Even if a part of you feels like you should be further along.

Your job in counselling is not to know exactly what you need.

Your job is simply to arrive.

And if something in you is ready to take the next step, you are welcome to reach out.

We work things out together

one session at a time.